I know it's been a while since the last Vinh Watch updates but I have a few excuses in my defense. 1) I've been busy with trying to volunteer at a garden in town, unsuccessfully. 2) I've been doin' my thang gurl. I've been working, playing ultimate and generally having fun with friends. 3) I felt like the updates were becoming too often and as a result becoming less and less notable so I decided to cut back. 4) I don't have internet in my house so I have to make a trip to the public library or to Goodbye Blue Monday, a place that so graciously lets me use its internet to my heart's delight. 5) I am lazy.
That being said here are the, possibly long awaited, updates from Vinh Watch 2012!
June 20, 2012: Day 19
-5:00 P.M.
Vinh eats two Twinkies and feels a level of disgust usually reserved for pedophiles and date rapists.
-8:45 P.M.
Vinh makes light of his Twinkie eating by tweeting "Ate 2 twinkies today. #YOLO"
June 24, 2012: Day 23
-1:13 P.M.
Vinh is defeated by the single life. The everyday tasks of cooking and washing dishes has mentally worn him down. The fact that there is almost another month of solitude Vinh thinks perhaps Cole "The Blueman" Steigler will be correct in his prediction of death by the end of summer.
-5:30- 8:30 P.M.
Vinh feels an obscene amount of frustration as he plays terrible during his Sunday night league. It all began with a single missed shot and snowballed until Vinh uncontrollably could only think, "This is horseshit" with every missed shot. I believe there's an old saying, "Some days you poop on the toilet, some days you are the toilet." Vinh was the toilet.
June 27, 2012: Day 26
-12:03 P.M.
Today is offensively hot. Vinh wears a cutoff to work and thinks about how funny it'd be if a tennis tournament gave out cutoffs for t-shirts on his way to work. Enjoys a good chuckle to himself.
-3:40 P.M.
Vinh receives acclaim from one of the players about his blog. The player encourages Vinh to include details of how they played pickup ultimate together and made jokes together today. Vinh wonders why people want him to make Vinh Watch boring.
-5:30-7:00 P.M.
Vinh plays pick up in the outrageously humid and hot weather. He forgets what it is like to be dry as sweat quickly soaks through his clothes. This is weather no cutoff can salvage. He cannot throw any meaningful throws as his hands as perpetually slick from sweat. Considers it the WORST.
-7:15 P.M.
Goes swimming in the cannon river with some girls (no big). Mosquitoes feast upon his blood and he wonders what the odds of being infected with the West Nile Virus are. Then he remembers that he is swimming in the Canon River and is lucky to still have bodily function.
June 28, 2012: Day 27
-4:00 P.M.
Vinh accidently pegs a kid in the nuts while feeding volleys during work. The kid was standing in line and, as if drawn up by the hands of fate, he was putting on a vibration dampener that had fallen off his racquet. Another kid was doing the drill and Vinh fed a high backhand volley that the kid in the drill swung for and missed and Vinh watched as the ball arched and ever so gracefully hit the kid adjusting his dampener. Vinh's apologies fell on deaf ears as the kid had to sit down and complained of feeling sick. Vinh felt as if a strange justice had been served today. This kid slandered Michael Abdella's, a coworker, good name by claiming "Michael eats poop for lunch." Secretly Vinh thought the crudeness and obvious truthless nature of the claim was hilarious.
-8:00 P.M.
Vinh enjoys a nice meal with Abi Enockson. They cook a spaghetti with vegetable and chicken medley that is seasoned with olive oil and salt. Despite being a bear, Abi does not ruin the meal.
June 29, 2012: Day 28
-2:30 A.M.
Vinh is annoyed with a fire alarm in his apartment as he tries to sleep. The alarm seems to be beeping at random. Vinh wonders if it is trying to warn him of carbon monoxide, but doubts the possibility as windows have been open for many hours. Yells in frustration, "What are you trying to tell me?!?" and "What do you want from me?!?" Weeps as he falls asleep.
-11:43 A.M.
Vinh takes a shower and as he washes his face all the warning signs begin to sink in. He tries to ignore them and thinks, "No...this can't be happening to me. There must be some kind of mistake. It's just a little fullness from lunch, that's all." But by the end of his shower he accepts the truth: He has to poop.
-12:10 P.M.
Vinh finishes his post-shower poop and weeps audibly. He exhibits symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as going anywhere near the bathroom leaves him in shambles and he spirals down into a world of uncleanliness, shame, and doubt. This is magnified by the fact that the bathroom is about one fifth of his living space.
-12:18 P.M.
Vinh realizes the random beeping from the fire alarm has stopped and thinks that perhaps there is a chance he can make it in this world. However, he still avoids the bathroom whenever possible.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Vinh Watch 2012 Day 9-15
June 10, 2012 Day 9
Book Count:7
June 11, 2012 Day 10
- 11:08 A.M. Vinh notices his sparse facial hair and makes a mental note that he needs to shave. He realizes that he doesn't really need to, but he should to prevent looking like a pubescent teen...well some things cannot be helped. Wonders what he'd look like with a nice full beard.
- 12:30 P.M. to 5:00 P.M. Vinh is worthless at work as fatigue and soreness from Tennis the night before has left his body reluctant and immobile. Highlights from work include: swinging and missing on a U-12's second serve, being responsbile for creating a line-up for Tuesday's match, and debating between an adult small t-shirt or a youth extra large t-shirt. After much deliberation Vinh decides he would rather have his shirt be wider than run a little long and selects a youth extra large.
- 5:30 P.M. Loses a large portion of his pasta dinner after he drops it in the sink while straining the pasta. Wonders what he did to invoke God's wrath.
June 12, 2012 Day 11
-12:00 P.M. Vinh makes his coaching debut for USTA Team Tennis. Disaster ensues as Vinh is unsure of the match format and he realizes half way through winners are determined by total games won rather than matches won. Despite this Vinh's team manages to win by one game. Vinh laughs at his good fortune.
June 13, 2012 Day 12
-11:29 A.M Vinh attempts to set a lineup for today's U12 math. He still has no idea what he is doing. Laughs that some U12 boys will have to play girls doubles. Laughs that they may face possible ridicule from other U12 boys. Laughs that this may give him a small advantage over the other team. Wonders if he is sexist.
-11:38 A.M. Vinh realizes it is raining and that he may not have to coach/work today while watering his Mother's plants.
-1:00 P.M. Vinh has to work.
June 14, 2012 Day 13
-10:02 A.M. Vinh wakes up and notices an extremely dark overcast sky. Vinh wonders if he will have to work.
-12:40 P.M. Vinh has to work. His match against Apple Valley is indoors. He arrives feeling confident that he could go 3-0 this first week coaching. Soon after arriving and seeing the opponents Vinh feels all hope vanish and feels as if he has led these innocent kids into a fucking ambush.
-1:15-2:45 P.M. It was a fucking ambush. Vinh watches helplessly as his team gets rocked. He does his best to help and encourage them, but the other team proves to be too skilled. Vinh's team wins a total of 8 games. Apple Valley wins 48. Vinh now knows how Judas felt betraying Jesus to the Romans.
-6:40 P.M. Vinh goes to move his car as the parking lot near his apartment is flooding. The water reaches mid-calf on Vinh.
-8:43 P.M.Vinh returns after driving around town. Many of the roads are flooded and he cannot get to a friend's house despite trying three different routes. While he is driving he does not notice a high water area until he has already entered it. He proceeds through slowly praying his car makes it through. Vinh counts his lucky charms that he made it through. Realizes he is not Irish and probably should not count lucky charms. As he is washing dishes Vinh reflects on the near incident and nearly drops his pint glass from Division 3 nationals. No one will believe him, but he swears he felt a guardian angel help him hold onto that pint glass.
June 15, 2012 Day 14
- 1:59 A.M. While trying to go to sleep Vinh begins thinking of bad instances to have a +1. After much internal debate Vinh decides the idea is funny enough and he gets up to write down some of them so that he will not forget them after going to sleep.After many attempts of recollection, Vinh cannot remember the funniest one he had thought of, the one that he had decided it was worth it to turn the light on for. Feels a significant hollowness. The bad instances he thought of include: your own wedding, your child's birth, a court appearance, an execution, a surgery, going to the bathroom, a Cheaters confrontation (both sides), and meeting Chris Hanson.
-4:54 P.M. Vinh sees his life flash before his eyes as he is attacked by a wasp in his car. The wasp flew in through an open window and Vinh was instantly paralyzed with fear. He cowers in his seat as he watches the wasp fly back and forth through his car. The wasp seems to be growing frustrated with its inability to escape the car despite the fact that there are two wide open windows. Vinh fears the wasp will sting him out of frustration. At long last the terror subsides and Vinh takes a moment to regroup. He has stared into the eyes of Death today. Vinh is relieved he was attacked by a wasp, the insect, and not a White Anglo Saxon Protestant for he knows that that is a WASP attack he surely would not have survived.
June 16, 2012 Day 15
-4:29 P.M. Vinh catches up on updating Vinh Watch 2012. He knows there is something funny here...
Book Count:7
June 11, 2012 Day 10
- 11:08 A.M. Vinh notices his sparse facial hair and makes a mental note that he needs to shave. He realizes that he doesn't really need to, but he should to prevent looking like a pubescent teen...well some things cannot be helped. Wonders what he'd look like with a nice full beard.
- 12:30 P.M. to 5:00 P.M. Vinh is worthless at work as fatigue and soreness from Tennis the night before has left his body reluctant and immobile. Highlights from work include: swinging and missing on a U-12's second serve, being responsbile for creating a line-up for Tuesday's match, and debating between an adult small t-shirt or a youth extra large t-shirt. After much deliberation Vinh decides he would rather have his shirt be wider than run a little long and selects a youth extra large.
- 5:30 P.M. Loses a large portion of his pasta dinner after he drops it in the sink while straining the pasta. Wonders what he did to invoke God's wrath.
June 12, 2012 Day 11
-12:00 P.M. Vinh makes his coaching debut for USTA Team Tennis. Disaster ensues as Vinh is unsure of the match format and he realizes half way through winners are determined by total games won rather than matches won. Despite this Vinh's team manages to win by one game. Vinh laughs at his good fortune.
June 13, 2012 Day 12
-11:29 A.M Vinh attempts to set a lineup for today's U12 math. He still has no idea what he is doing. Laughs that some U12 boys will have to play girls doubles. Laughs that they may face possible ridicule from other U12 boys. Laughs that this may give him a small advantage over the other team. Wonders if he is sexist.
-11:38 A.M. Vinh realizes it is raining and that he may not have to coach/work today while watering his Mother's plants.
-1:00 P.M. Vinh has to work.
June 14, 2012 Day 13
-10:02 A.M. Vinh wakes up and notices an extremely dark overcast sky. Vinh wonders if he will have to work.
-12:40 P.M. Vinh has to work. His match against Apple Valley is indoors. He arrives feeling confident that he could go 3-0 this first week coaching. Soon after arriving and seeing the opponents Vinh feels all hope vanish and feels as if he has led these innocent kids into a fucking ambush.
-1:15-2:45 P.M. It was a fucking ambush. Vinh watches helplessly as his team gets rocked. He does his best to help and encourage them, but the other team proves to be too skilled. Vinh's team wins a total of 8 games. Apple Valley wins 48. Vinh now knows how Judas felt betraying Jesus to the Romans.
-6:40 P.M. Vinh goes to move his car as the parking lot near his apartment is flooding. The water reaches mid-calf on Vinh.
-8:43 P.M.Vinh returns after driving around town. Many of the roads are flooded and he cannot get to a friend's house despite trying three different routes. While he is driving he does not notice a high water area until he has already entered it. He proceeds through slowly praying his car makes it through. Vinh counts his lucky charms that he made it through. Realizes he is not Irish and probably should not count lucky charms. As he is washing dishes Vinh reflects on the near incident and nearly drops his pint glass from Division 3 nationals. No one will believe him, but he swears he felt a guardian angel help him hold onto that pint glass.
June 15, 2012 Day 14
- 1:59 A.M. While trying to go to sleep Vinh begins thinking of bad instances to have a +1. After much internal debate Vinh decides the idea is funny enough and he gets up to write down some of them so that he will not forget them after going to sleep.After many attempts of recollection, Vinh cannot remember the funniest one he had thought of, the one that he had decided it was worth it to turn the light on for. Feels a significant hollowness. The bad instances he thought of include: your own wedding, your child's birth, a court appearance, an execution, a surgery, going to the bathroom, a Cheaters confrontation (both sides), and meeting Chris Hanson.
-4:54 P.M. Vinh sees his life flash before his eyes as he is attacked by a wasp in his car. The wasp flew in through an open window and Vinh was instantly paralyzed with fear. He cowers in his seat as he watches the wasp fly back and forth through his car. The wasp seems to be growing frustrated with its inability to escape the car despite the fact that there are two wide open windows. Vinh fears the wasp will sting him out of frustration. At long last the terror subsides and Vinh takes a moment to regroup. He has stared into the eyes of Death today. Vinh is relieved he was attacked by a wasp, the insect, and not a White Anglo Saxon Protestant for he knows that that is a WASP attack he surely would not have survived.
June 16, 2012 Day 15
-4:29 P.M. Vinh catches up on updating Vinh Watch 2012. He knows there is something funny here...
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Vinh Watch 2012 Update Day 1 - 6
At long last an update from Vinh Watch 2012 (mostly because I've forgotten to bring my notebook that contains the, in my opinion, hilarious updates about my pseudo grown-up life). These blurbs are just highlights from my struggles living on my own for the next two months. All events are true however I hope the additional commentary is visibly sarcastic.
Vinh Watch 2012
Day 1: June 2, 2012
- 2:30 P.M. After a successful Cub run followed by a tragic over-cooking of broccoli, Vinh laments his fortune and begins to question the existence of God.
- 5:10 P.M. Vinh returns home after Tennis and reluctantly washes: 1 bowl, 1 plate, 1 fork, 1 glass; considers not making dinner despite being hungry
- 5:30 P.M. Avoids tragedy as a near slip of the hand leads to a close call with the only bowl in the apartment brings Vinh new perspective on life.
- 5:36 P.M. With no adults around to tell him he will spoil his dinner, Vinh sneaks in dessert before dinner.
-5:37 P.M. Spoils his dinner, signs of guilt apparent
Book Count: 3
Day 2: June 3, 2012
- 1:05 P.M. Almost places a cold britta pitcher onto a still-hot stove top; wonders how he scored a 32? 31? 30? on the ACT; does not remember his score
Book Count: 4
Day 3: June 4, 2012
- 7:26 P.M. Vinh eats a hodge podge dinner: 1 whole green bell pepper, a plate of nachos and salsa
Day 4: June 5, 2012
- 6:33 P.M. Vinh wins $25,000 according to an advertisement in the mail. Entertains the idea of its legitimacy.
-7: 43 P.M. Repeat of the broccoli fiasco from Day 1. Considers the legitimacy of the $25,000 competition.
Book Count: 5
Day 6: June 6, 2012
-3:16 A.M. Vinh stays up all night reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Scares himself in his solitude and hides in a sleeping bag until he falls asleep.
-6:58 P.M. Begins The Girl who Played with Fire
-10:00 P.M. Vinh chokes on his root beer after significantly underestimating the volume remaining in his bottle. He chokes loudly in Blue Monday for what he perceives to be an eternity.
Book count : 6
Vinh Watch 2012
Day 1: June 2, 2012
- 2:30 P.M. After a successful Cub run followed by a tragic over-cooking of broccoli, Vinh laments his fortune and begins to question the existence of God.
- 5:10 P.M. Vinh returns home after Tennis and reluctantly washes: 1 bowl, 1 plate, 1 fork, 1 glass; considers not making dinner despite being hungry
- 5:30 P.M. Avoids tragedy as a near slip of the hand leads to a close call with the only bowl in the apartment brings Vinh new perspective on life.
- 5:36 P.M. With no adults around to tell him he will spoil his dinner, Vinh sneaks in dessert before dinner.
-5:37 P.M. Spoils his dinner, signs of guilt apparent
Book Count: 3
Day 2: June 3, 2012
- 1:05 P.M. Almost places a cold britta pitcher onto a still-hot stove top; wonders how he scored a 32? 31? 30? on the ACT; does not remember his score
Book Count: 4
Day 3: June 4, 2012
- 7:26 P.M. Vinh eats a hodge podge dinner: 1 whole green bell pepper, a plate of nachos and salsa
Day 4: June 5, 2012
- 6:33 P.M. Vinh wins $25,000 according to an advertisement in the mail. Entertains the idea of its legitimacy.
-7: 43 P.M. Repeat of the broccoli fiasco from Day 1. Considers the legitimacy of the $25,000 competition.
Book Count: 5
Day 6: June 6, 2012
-3:16 A.M. Vinh stays up all night reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Scares himself in his solitude and hides in a sleeping bag until he falls asleep.
-6:58 P.M. Begins The Girl who Played with Fire
-10:00 P.M. Vinh chokes on his root beer after significantly underestimating the volume remaining in his bottle. He chokes loudly in Blue Monday for what he perceives to be an eternity.
Book count : 6
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Vinh Watch 2012!
I just wanted to announce that over the course of the next two weeks I will be writing a satire of my next two months. This is only notable because I am living by myself without the security of parents or older siblings for the first time ever. Stay tuned as Vinh Watch 2012 continues!
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